Tag Archives: grief

Loss Remembrance Day 2015

Loss Remembrance Day 3

October 15th is Loss Remembrance Day.
Especially today we remember our 3 Angel Babies waiting to meet us in Heaven.


Prayers of Comfort to All Who Know This Pain.

Remembrance Day

Goodbye Sweet Fur-Baby

Yesterday we said Goodbye to our sweet dog Delenn.  She was nearly 15 years old.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is one of the hardest things to do.  We are grateful for the house call service that allowed us to love and comfort her at home.

We miss her so much already.  The house is too quiet.

My husband composed and posted this Facebook Tribute to her the day before she passed:

Photo: Dad,   I am tired, very tired.   It is time for me to go find Hazel and to say goodbye.   Although I will miss you, Mom and The Boy, I am old,  very old.     I am a shadow of myself, I am hollow and sometimes I forget who I am, I fear I will soon be lost if I do not leave.  </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>The world is getting dark - I cannot see.  - Branches surprise me.  In the dark I walk into things.   I cannot catch any food thrown my way.    </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>The world is silent,  I cannot hear as I once did.  I do not even know when you come home to greet you.  The delivery man comes and goes without him receiving one bark. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>The world is shrinking,  I hurt during our walks beyone our block, climbing up and down the stairs is a chore.  I slip everyonce and while and drag my feet.  I do not even remember which gun we go hunting with anymore.   </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>The world is loosing its shine, my tail does not wag, my bones hurt and I cannot stretch nor jump.   The lumps that started appearing a few months ago are growing, I am getting sicker. I have accidents and feel horrible I am letting you down.    </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>The world is not fair or unfair it just is.   I am sorry I destroyed your Nike sandles, but they were good and looked like a toy.    I am sorry for running away from Dave Engstrom Ellie Gonzalez , he chased me for two hours.   I do miss the lake and being a dock dog, chasing the chuck-it thrown balls.   I miss our walks and jumping at snowballs.  Lastly,  I should tell you when you thought I dislocated my hip and carried me out of the woods for two miles on your shoulders, truth be told I was just tired and wanted to be carried.  You were also getting fat.     </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>I am working on this poem - I will not have time to finish it.   </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p> My wag is gone, I am no longer strong. Through this family's sorrows and pain, I became tame.   Our agreement from the start was for me to protect my family with all my heart. We agreed to have The Boy, to throw my favorite toy. But my wag is gone, I am no longer strong.   I cannot play, without hurting the rest of the day.     I have tried to be brave, but my time is through.  Let me go to rest, and then see Hazel with zezt.  My wag is gone, I am no longer strong.      </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>You choose my name Delenn from a TV series, a series you just watched  again. Delenn was a great name but I realized watching it with you Delenn never died.  To you she will live forever, Dad all things die, and I cannot go on like I am, you need to let me go. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Tell the Boy the recess bell is ringing for me, he will understand it is time to go.   I cannot play ball anymore, I cannot turn or twist.   I struggle to breath.   Tell him that I always loved the game kiss the baby.  And he cannot throw anymore food onto the floor he doesn't want to eat.  I hope  I taught him to be a dog person, I am definately a Boy person.   </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Tell Mom Pamela Van Eyck Prinkkila, I love her.  If it wasn't for her care I would have been lost long ago.   I have always comforted her when she was sick please love her more now. She has a lot going on with the baby.       </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>To you Dad,    I know you vowed after Hazel to never have another dog.  Loosing Hazel was the one of the worst days in your life, it took a part of your soul that took you years for you to find.   Tomorrow will be a tough day for everyone- do not loose your soul again since you will not have a retriever to find it.      Always remember we had 14 years together - a wonderful 14 years where my tail did wag.  I did leave our ball outside for you, maybe one day you will want to throw it again for another dog.   I hope you do because you love all dogs, try to measure this pain against the joy we had together. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Do not worry about me, I am going to find Hazel and together we will wait for you.   We will meet at the place where no shadows fall, I will be by the water- playing. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Delenn<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
Ambassador Delenn of Del-Tone  </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>P.S.  Please remember to cancel my credit card.

Dad, I am tired, very tired. It is time for me to go find Hazel and to say goodbye. Although I will miss you, Mom and The Boy, I am old, very old. I am a shadow of myself, I am hollow and sometimes I forget who I am, I fear I will soon be lost if I do not leave.

The world is getting dark – I cannot see.  Branches surprise me. In the dark I walk into things. I cannot catch any food thrown my way.

The world is silent, I cannot hear as I once did. I do not even know when you come home to greet you. The delivery man comes and goes without him receiving one bark.

The world is shrinking, I hurt during our walks beyond our block, climbing up and down the stairs is a chore. I slip every once in a while and drag my feet. I do not even remember which gun we go hunting with anymore.

The world is losing its shine, my tail does not wag, my bones hurt and I cannot stretch nor jump. The lumps that started appearing a few months ago are growing, I am getting sicker. I have accidents and feel horrible I am letting you down.

The world is not fair or unfair it just is. I am sorry I destroyed your Nike sandals, but they were good and looked like a toy. I am sorry for running away from Dave.  He chased me for two hours. I do miss the lake and being a dock dog, chasing the chuck-it thrown balls. I miss our walks and jumping at snowballs. Lastly, I should tell you when you thought I dislocated my hip and carried me out of the woods for two miles on your shoulders, truth be told I was just tired and wanted to be carried. You were also getting fat.

I am working on this poem – I will not have time to finish it.

My wag is gone, I am no longer strong. Through this family’s sorrows and pain, I became tame. Our agreement from the start was for me to protect my family with all my heart. We agreed to have the Boy, to throw my favorite toy. But my wag is gone, I am no longer strong. I cannot play, without hurting the rest of the day. I have tried to be brave, but my time is through. Let me go to rest, and then see Hazel with zest. My wag is gone, I am no longer strong.

You chose my name Delenn from a TV series, a series you just watched again. Delenn was a great name, and I realized watching it with you Delenn never died. To you she will live forever, Dad all things die, and I cannot go on like I am, you need to let me go.

Tell the Boy the recess bell is ringing for me, he will understand it is time to go. I cannot play ball anymore, I cannot turn or twist. I struggle to breathe. Tell him that I always loved the game “Kiss the Baby”. And he cannot throw anymore food onto the floor he doesn’t want to eat. I hope I taught him to be a dog person, I am definately a Boy person.

Tell Mom I love her. If it wasn’t for her care I would have been lost long ago. I have always comforted her when she was sick please love her more now. She has a lot going on with the baby.

To you Dad, I know you vowed after Hazel to never have another dog. Losing Hazel was the one of the worst days in your life, it took a part of your soul that took you years for you to find. Tomorrow will be a tough day for everyone – do not lose your soul again since you will not have a retriever to find it. Always remember we had 14+ years together – a wonderful 14+ years where my tail did wag. I did leave our ball outside for you, maybe one day you will want to throw it again for another dog. I hope you do because you love all dogs, try to measure this pain against the joy we had together.

Do not worry about me, I am going to find Hazel and together we will wait for you.
We will meet at the place where no shadows fall, I will be by the water- playing.

Love,
Delenn  (Ambassador Delenn of Del-Tone)

***

And this message after:
It is done. Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.
Thank you all for the kind words today.

Photo: It is done.   Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.  Thank you all for the kind words today.

Remembrance Day is October 15th

Today is Remembrance Day.  It’s especially important for us this year as Annalise Toi or Maximum Finn would have been arriving this week.

Angels in Heaven

This has been circulating Facebook in recent days.  A friend posted it for me and my family, as we lost what would have been our 4th child at Easter this year.  With our due date of October 19th rapidly approaching, I can’t help but wonder what could have been.

Amen. x3 

This is a tough subject and people don’t talk about it. It is a death in the family. Most people think once you recover physically, it’s all over, but you never forget your angel babies.

Spring Break is Here – If Only Spring Were!

snow in April 04-05-2013

As Prince once sang: “Sometimes it snows in April…”

We had such high hopes for this week off of school:  parks, sunshine…but NO – we had temps just above freezing – and to add insult to injury – SNOW on Friday!  Had I taken the photo earlier, it would have been coming down thick.  Granted, it did melt on the ground, but still.   

*sigh*

This had to be our worst Spring Break ever, and not just because of the weather.  As you know, we lost our baby about 3 weeks ago.  Starting Easter Saturday, I had some serious complications with the miscarriage. The baby stopped developing at just under 8 weeks and had required medical intervention/initiation two weeks later.  This week, after 2 evenings of SEVERE cramps etc. I got into the clinic Tuesday where the ultrasound revealed the pregnancy was still caught inside. Luckily the doctor as able to remove it in the clinic and did not require a D&C (surgical procedure). I am so relieved now, as there was great risk of infection accompanying a LOT of pain and hemorrhaging.  The process is at 3 weeks and counting. I need to get the physical part behind me in order to deal with the emotional part of loss and grief.  It has taken a real toll on our entire family.

God giveth, and he taketh away – and don’t I know it thrice over.

Returning to “Normal”

faith hope love rocks 2

Life is slowly getting back on track.
Much love and many thanks to family and friends for all their love and support.

It just takes time and placing one foot in front of the other each day.

During times of trial, self-care is more important than ever.  My family and I have been very conscious of maintaining as much positive routine as possible, with an emphasis on adequate sleep and solid nutrition.  When grieving, it’s so easy to neglect mealtimes and take the easy way out (= takeout).  A concerted effort to have family mealtimes has kept us close, well-nourished and healthy.

We continue to have faith, hope and love for each other.  We wish you all the same.